Elderly People
Spoon Fed
Do I do too much for my child?
My husband and I were tested during the summer school holidays by our child.
We had non-verbal huffs, puffs & grunts, stomping of feet, slamming of doors and selective hearing when we have simply asked her to do jobs around the house (like empty the dishwasher and load it up with the dirty dishes sitting on the bench).
I have created a sprat (a spoilt brat).
To add insult to injury, during this summer we decided to redecorate her room, spending a majority of our holiday time working on it. What really disappointed us most was the lip service we received from her. Her initial words of thanks and gratefulness for redecorating her room seemed empty and token when all her subsequent responses to being asked to do the odd job for us were negative.
I am not expecting her to clean the whole house by herself but I do expect her (as she is ten) to pull her own weight by:
- Cleaning up her own messes –in her room and the trail of stuff that is left behind her as she enters or exits our home.
- Loading and unloading the dishwasher and if it breaks down (god forbid) know how to wash dishes by hand.
- Being able to use a vacuum cleaner and know where it lives in our home.
More importantly do her part, as part of our family and our household, and that means helping around the house.
Sign of the Times
My reality at the moment.
Aging Parents
I am the only child living in the same city as my parents. By default I will be the one helping them as they get older … actually it has already started.
At the beginning of the year my father needed help organising respite care for my mother who has vascular dementia. It all got too much for him with my brother and his family visiting from Canada, Mum coming down with a chest infection that didn’t get diagnosed properly, and whether there should be a party for Mum and Dad to celebrate them both turning 80 this year. I needed to step in and help and take the stress away from him.
Tween Daughter
It has taken me a wee bit of time to work out that I need to be more direct when reminding her about the jobs and homework that she needs to complete during the weekends. When speaking to her my words need to be black and white with no shades of grey.
Recently I asked my child to please complete her homework – Icas practice science sheet, spelling words, music practice - and to empty the dishwasher as well, and that these jobs needed to be done that afternoon. Half an hour later I find my child on her bed with the iPad watching YouTube clips. I ask her “Have you completed your tasks?” Reply: “I am doing those things later.” I was miffed I thought I had indicated to her to get the tasks done sooner verses later. All she heard was I have all afternoon to do those jobs.
I have now learnt to speak her language and in her currency too.
No devices or TV until she has completed her music practice, homework and emptied the dishwasher.
I have to Trust that she will eventually get it - Do your jobs first before playtime starts (and your mother will stop nagging you).
I can’t wait until her frontal lobe has completely developed.
I am a Middle-Aged Mother
The past six months have been a lot busier for me as my workload has increased. It’s a combo of coming up to speed with the new routines within our family.
My daughter has changed schools this year and as a family we are all adjusting to her new weekly schedule and ensuring that there is a smooth transition into her new routine. Working out what we can and can’t fit into her week without her world imploding on us.
I have also increased my workload by taking part in more art shows and exhibitions throughout the year to ensure we have the tuition fees covered for my child’s new school.
And with my mother’s dementia progressing, my family needs to help my father out more. He is the primary caregiver and we don’t want him to burn out and not be able to enjoy life.
Keeping the home fires burning so that my family’s life runs smoothly has been a key part of getting us through and adjusting to our new normal. The big downside for me is some weeks the needs of both my immediate and extended family can be equally demanding on my time and I still need to put in the hours for my work as well. When those weeks come around, our family meals get simpler and cleaning gets bumped off the “to do” list (something has to give).
